Thursday, May 26, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Also, in the I'm getting over it category, this led me to feel that I need to stop apologizing and feeling guilty about not using our local cancer center and opting to go to Mayo once I was diagonsed. I have praised the good care given by my general practioner and others locally but when the radiation people at Mayo mentioned they were taking extra time with a proceedure because this needs to be perfect, I realized that perfect , when you are shooting radiation beams that close to my heart and lungs, that the commitment to perfect was what I came to Mayo for.
I am getting over being angry at myself for the pounds that I have gained since I started this journey into the world of cancer back at the first of the year. Size 10 is where I feel my best, size 12 is ok and as I slide toward size 14 I do it with regret but am no longer consoling myself with extra ice cream as I was during the nail biting part of this unknown trip, and know that I do not feel it wise to concentrate on weight loss while I am in treatment and can worry about that once the next two weeks are completed. As I wait in my pink smock for treatment, and see those there also waiting for radiation treatment that are frail from what cancer has done to their bodies, gratitude for my strong, slightly overweight body is recognized.
I am getting over feeling guilty about leaving my 13 year old doxie, Scooby Doo, at the kennel 5 days a week for the month. She doesn't understand,seems depressed and has not been eating well and has lost considerable weight. But this is the best solution for her. It is an excellent, caring kennel and one of the employees made a special trip to the vets office for special food to entice her into eating last week. She is thin and has the standard indoor outdoor room with elevated sleeping pad and not the luxury one with the TV and the real bed(really this is available) but I am giving her extra cuddling and extra exticements to eat well on the weekends. So Scooby Doo will get through this also.
So, in addition to getting over cancer, I guess I am learning to cope better with life's little bumps. And comparatively, they are so little and petty on my part. So my eye is less pink, my radiated body part a bit more so, but I am feeling well and only two more weeks to go! Grateful for that and for the 2000 plus visits to my blog. I can feel the love!
Big hugs to all of you. . .Sandy
Thursday, May 12, 2011
That is Tom's term for our month of May . When we were trying to make plans for this venture into treatment, we thought of the different ways to handle the four weeks in Scottsdale and I think what we are doing worked out well. There have been a lot of things going in our favor. The weather has not turned to really hot on the temperature gage. Most of the snowbirds and seasonal residents have headed north so the roads are not congested. Treatment takes very little time out of my day so it leaves lots of free time. And I am having no side effects and not feeling "sick". We have yet to run out of things to see and do in this area. I really haven't done as much photography as I thought other than cactus flowers, etc. but we have explored many neat places. This is including Nordstrom's Rack. . wonderful place! Tom patiently sat reading his kindle while I shopped for an hour. What a guy! And after tomorrow's 8 AM treatment I am halfway to the finish line. And we get to go home and spend 3 nights sleeping in our own bed. Grateful for that! A lot to be grateful for as I was reminded of last night as we came out of the Red Lobster and an old man on an old bicycle asked if we knew of a "shelter" in the area. When we told him we weren't locals and didn't, he said he was hungry and humbly asked if he could have my leftovers I was carrying. As we drove out and turned the corner, we saw him devouring the scraps from my meal. Little doubt that he was genuinely hungry. I forced myself to not be judgemental about his circumstance. Pandhandling? Maybe. Alcoholic? Maybe. How he gets some good eats? Maybe. But this I know for sure. . There but for the grace of God etc. . Yep, we all have a lot to be thankful for. Gratitude bigtime here for so much.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
All at once I am realizing that I am hearing so much about other cancer patients. Those so much younger than I, those with families, those still in their youth and not even having the chance to live their lives. I am so grateful for the easy path and positive prognosis I have had, but I grieve for those who are fighting the hard fight and not all of them winning. Today my prayer was a " thank you" for all that has been handed me, and for help and a few miracles for the others. And I was even so bold to ask God to please give someone out there the wisdom to find a cure for this horrible disease that takes so many lives too soon. They say ask and you may receive. So I asked. I even said please.
Hugs and Love,
Hugs and Love,
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
And I just didn't measure up! No radiation treatment today. I was ready. I was properly undressed and redressed in the glamour garment that opens in the front. And then. . .it seems that swelling had decreased as had the size of the subject body part to be radiated and so today's treatment was cancelled. And scans and measurements and x-rays were done again and everything for the radiation treatment is being recalculated. I am to go back tomorrow at 4 and hopefully then the treatment will be possible. The technicians apologized. The doctor apologized. They said this happens sometimes. I told them that I had come to Mayo because I had confidence in their expertise to get it right. And that I was glad they were taking the time to do that. So I was disappointed in not getting treatment underway and that my 4 weeks here now looks like 4weeks and 1 day of the 5th week. But I am grateful for the perfectionist culture at Mayo Clinic. In the scheme of things, that one day doesn't matter. Getting it right does.. . . Love and Hugs,