Also, in the I'm getting over it category, this led me to feel that I need to stop apologizing and feeling guilty about not using our local cancer center and opting to go to Mayo once I was diagonsed. I have praised the good care given by my general practioner and others locally but when the radiation people at Mayo mentioned they were taking extra time with a proceedure because this needs to be perfect, I realized that perfect , when you are shooting radiation beams that close to my heart and lungs, that the commitment to perfect was what I came to Mayo for.
I am getting over being angry at myself for the pounds that I have gained since I started this journey into the world of cancer back at the first of the year. Size 10 is where I feel my best, size 12 is ok and as I slide toward size 14 I do it with regret but am no longer consoling myself with extra ice cream as I was during the nail biting part of this unknown trip, and know that I do not feel it wise to concentrate on weight loss while I am in treatment and can worry about that once the next two weeks are completed. As I wait in my pink smock for treatment, and see those there also waiting for radiation treatment that are frail from what cancer has done to their bodies, gratitude for my strong, slightly overweight body is recognized.
I am getting over feeling guilty about leaving my 13 year old doxie, Scooby Doo, at the kennel 5 days a week for the month. She doesn't understand,seems depressed and has not been eating well and has lost considerable weight. But this is the best solution for her. It is an excellent, caring kennel and one of the employees made a special trip to the vets office for special food to entice her into eating last week. She is thin and has the standard indoor outdoor room with elevated sleeping pad and not the luxury one with the TV and the real bed(really this is available) but I am giving her extra cuddling and extra exticements to eat well on the weekends. So Scooby Doo will get through this also.
So, in addition to getting over cancer, I guess I am learning to cope better with life's little bumps. And comparatively, they are so little and petty on my part. So my eye is less pink, my radiated body part a bit more so, but I am feeling well and only two more weeks to go! Grateful for that and for the 2000 plus visits to my blog. I can feel the love!
Big hugs to all of you. . .Sandy
3 comments:
Sorry about Scooby. I know that has to be hard for you too. Hope your eye is all better quickly, and don't worry about the weight gain (easier said than done...if you haven't read my reply to your comment on my blog, I said I am blaming it on the Vicodin I started taking Thursday). Take care.
Well, who said life wouldn't be interesting and ever-changing didn't know you. Glad to hear you are getting closer and closer to radiation being done with, and glad to hear that your poor pink eye is fading back to white! Scooby will recover - I predict in about two weeks - and will be able to go back to her slightly pudgy, slightly spoiled self with only slight Post Traumatic Stress left-over!
Glad the doc gave you something for the pink eye and that you are over feeling guilty. Scooby senses stuff you wouldn't believe and is probably part of her depression.
Your being home for good after the next two weeks will certainly chase away those blues.
I am so glad you had the option to choose the Mayo Clinic. It could mean the difference in your total recovery and one that would be a lot longer haul. You go girl.
Hugs,
Cami
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