Monday, April 11, 2011

The Imperfect Flower

For days, I have been fascinated with the photos I took last week of potted tulips, ones not at the height of their perfect blooms as I usually do, but ones that were gracefully and beautifully fading away.    The symbolism can go many directions and I choose not to expound on the obvious one.  I just read again, "There are no accidents, everything in life happens for a reason."  And I am thinking about the reason for my illness.  More appreciation for each day of life?  Definitely!  Empathy for others, particularly those with so much more serious illness and handicaps? Yes!  But maybe another reason that I have been put on this path is that I need to work on my shortcomings, my weaknesses.  Guess I should have been working on those anyway, but I have ignored them and plowed on in life, accepting them as just me.  "Let go and let God" is a biggie for me.  I always feel that God needs me leading the way and he/she is just around should I need a helping hand. And ,gratefully that hand has always been there when I reached for it.  I can't say that I have accomplished  the "Let go and let God" stage in this experience,(how I envy those who can do this so easily) but I am leaning more on His shoulder , asking for guidance, asking for strength. And then there is that big "T" word.  Trust has always been difficult for me. So many times in my life I was the only one I could count one.  And somehow I have stuck in that mode.  Now I have to trust and not question every doctor, every technician, every procedure in this journey called cancer.And this is the most difficult for me.  I am trying to be aware and ask the questions I should be asking but I have to trust that the right things will be done for my survival. Let Go and Let God and trust.  Guess it all goes hand and hand.  I am working to get there.   I will  plant my potted tulips in a safe place where I know they will be warmed by God's sun and someday bloom again.    

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.  More ramblings than I intended.  Love and Hugs to all,  Sandy

1 comment:

lorena johnson said...

I think you are miles ahead on me in your letting go. I have just started coming to grips with that very thing lately.
It is so much harder than it seems. I am at that stage where I am trying to get past the mind and its ramblings and just listen to spirit.
Unfortunately, the mind loves to chatter at us and is very hard to make it hush and be still.
I am going to double my efforts to go into the stillness in the next little while.
Maybe we will meet somewhere in there?
Hugs dear lady.
Cami